Random thoughts

First random thought: Why do lifetime parts never look as cool as rebuildable parts that break down every once in a while? Is it impossible to make a really cool car part that actually works? I suppose Ferrari is doing that now, but I do not see them turning 100,000 miles all the time with out a single break down and limited maintenance. Now Toyota on the other hand, they built soul-less Japanese crap-box cars, but they sure do work! During this gas pedal extravaganza I have had the chance to check out some of their gas pedals. Not cool. Boring is too exciting a word to describe the pedals. And yet my Alfas all have awesome gas pedals. In fact I cringe when I see those stupid screw on covers that tuners put on their pedals. If the pedals were functional and sexy to begin with, the kids would not have to mess with them.

Second random thought: Just found out the other day Alfas are actually reliable!! Or at least they used to be. I was talking to fellow Alfa owner Marshall St. Amant about the reliability of the Milano and Spider and he scoffed at my numbers. I was quite proud of the fact each car had done a minimum of 10,000 miles between breakdowns. He immediately offered up the fact his GTV6 bought from new back in the day did over 75,000 miles without ever leaving him on the side of the road. That is not to say it did not need occasional “maintenance” at an inopportune time, but it never left him stranded. Not bad for an Italian car from the 80s!!

Third random thought: This has been a really sad and depressing month for cars. On the national level we have the whole Toyota gas pedal thing. Sure, I do not like them, but every car company deserves a chance. Problems that are really hard to solve and cause damage to the company’s image are not good. Better get a solution quick!! On the more local level we have my Milano incident. The details are contained elsewhere in this newsletter. On a following weekend Brad Way was having great difficulty changing some seals in his spiders brake system. Why are robust and long-lived seals always hidden behind really delicate and expensive parts that refuse to come off the car? Going back a couple weekends I had to replace the water pump on our Jetta, twice. The first one was great for about a month. Then it started weeping. Brand new water pumps do not weep!! After a thorough investigation to make sure I did not do anything wrong, it was confirmed the water pump was not leaking, it was weeping from the weep hole. Oh well, at least it is an easy item to change. The Germans really thought this one through. Other car companies could learn from them. And finally, this past weekend, Marshall’s racecar had a breakdown that put it out of commission for the foreseeable future. Seems like there is some really bad car-ma floating around right now. You have been warned!

Fourth random thought: Getting to work on a modern car is really an eye opening experience. Automotive engineering has come a long ways since the last new Alfa graced these shores. While not all of it has been good, some of it has been great!! For instance, the advent of “lifetime” fluids and extremely long oil change intervals has made maintenance chores much lighter. In fact, I am even considering incorporating some of these modern fluids into my own fleet. Of course modernity comes at a price. While my Alfas will happily drink down whatever I put in them, the VWs in our garage are pickier. While doing the water pump changes I learned about a proprietary coolant called G12 used exclusively by VW. It is purple or pink depending on if you get old G12 or new G12+. Either way it is neat stuff. Other owners have found this antifreeze makes internal corrosion of aluminum engines a thing of the past. And to make sure you have the right stuff, VW has added a chemical that turns the purple goodness into brown badness if someone tops up or mixes in the wrong stuff. Not sure what that does other than sell more G12, but it is neat to be able to know for sure you have the right stuff and nothing else.

Another interesting feature of a modern car is how things are sealed. My Alfas have gaskets on the water pumps. Each time you change the thing you have to scrape off the old gasket and clean the mating surface on the block. Not so on the modern VW 4 cylinder. Their water pump seals to the block using an o-ring that fits in a hole in the side of the block. There is nothing to scrape off. There are no gasket sealers to apply. If you are not changing the fluid you can pop the old pump off and shove the new one on and lose less than a quart of coolant! Amazing!!

And what is up with the timing belt intervals? The factory has no set mileage to change the belt!! The shop manual says 90,000 miles tops. Common knowledge among enthusiasts is 60,000 miles. That is double our old v6 Alfas! To top it off, you do not have to take half the car apart to do it either.

My only complaint so far is the strange fasteners. I am sure there is a really good engineering reason for using a torx head on many of the fasteners. All I know is I need to buy some extra tools. The other side of the coin is the really awesome hose clamps they use!! Have you seen the ones you remove with just pliers? You simply squeeze the ears and wiggle it off. How simple is that!! And VW even paints little arrows on the hoses to show the correct orientation of the clamp to the hose to the fitting. Wow.

Ok, enough random thoughts. Go get a beer and get greasy with your car.

And then there were none

When Bonnie suggested we visit the Abita Brewery again for the first time in several years, I was very excited. Last time, we did not take the tour. The club only ate in the brew pub. This time, I was not going to let that happen. I emailed the brewery and asked many questions. I went back and forth with the PR lady about times, size of group, age restrictions, shoe requirements, and what to expect. Everything was laid out perfectly.

What could make a trip to the brewery even better? A caravan of Alfas!! We have some new members and some non-members who were just as excited about the event as I was. My racing buddy, Marshall, wanted to go. One of our newest members, Brad, was so excited he was going to make a weekend of it with the wife. (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more…) A neighbor who chased me home, and happens to own a really nice stingray Corvette, was nervous about being the only American car there but knew deep inside that a little beer would smooth out all the tensions. And finally, my neighbors across the street were planning on attending just for the chance to visit the brewery.

As the day for the trip approached, it felt like Christmas! There were visions of purple haze and turbodog dancing in my head. I told all my friends and neighbors how exciting this was going to be. I even found some time to wash the Milano for the trip. Then, as the midnight hour approached, my caravan began to fall apart. My long time drinking buddies could not make it because of work. Marshall was going racing as long as the weather held up. And who can blame him! Racing always trumps beer in my logbook. My corvette buddy got his weekends switched up and had to work on Saturday. The afternoon before, I got a call from Brad and found he had some emergency family issues and could not make the trip. And that very evening, my neighbors bailed because work came up.

My caravan was down to one. Not much of a caravan any more, but the car was clean and gassed up for the trip. We left bright and early and made our way to the brewery, but we never made it. Early on, we noticed a light fuel smell. At the time, we were behind a pickup truck hauling an ATV. We just assumed the smell was coming from there. Over a couple miles, the smell faded away. Everything went fine for the rest of the trip until about 7 miles from Abita. I looked down and noticed we were nearly out of gas. When we left we had ¾ of a tank. Alfas get great gas mileage. I should have been able to make it there and back on a single tank. And as I continued to glance from the road to the gauge and back, I thought I could actually see the needle going down. This is not good!!! Of course at this point, we were not any where near an exit. It was miles to the next exit, and when that exit came up we took it!!! Of course, there was no gas station to be found either! So ,we just found the closest empty lot and pulled in. Our first call was to Andy and Mike. Being this close, I figured I could get some help from them changing whatever hose was leaking or fitting that had come loose.

Before help could arrive, Britt and I popped the hood and found fuel everywhere!! The whole engine compartment was soaked. It is a wonder the whole car had not burst into flames. Even with a leak of this level, we still could not see any obvious leak. So I had Britt stand back and watch while I cranked the car. As soon as the fuel pump got power, fuel came spurting from one of the injectors. Britt screamed for me to stop. Even from inside the car, I could see the fuel spraying. So, for the second attempt I had Britt crank the car while I watched. It seemed obvious to me that the injector itself was leaking. There is no amount of hose that will fix an internal injector seal failure. We were finished!

My next call was to my favorite towing company. My usual guy politely asked if it was the green one or the black one. I told him it was the black one and where we were located. He gave us an estimated wait time and headed out. In the mean time, Andy and Mike showed up just long enough to take some pictures and commiserate. There was nothing they could do to help and we were only keeping them from their beer so they went on their way. The thought of joining them and getting a tow later in the day ran through my head, but there was no telling what the wait would be in the afternoon and the truck was already on the way.

If you ever break down in the Baton Rouge or surrounding areas, be sure to give Davis and Sons a call. They are really nice people. On the ride home, we stopped for snacks and commiserated about how it had been over a year since my last tow. If you do the math, that is 10,000 miles without a hiccup. Not bad for an Italian car old enough to vote with well over 200,000 miles on the clock.

Later that day, Britt and I gathered up the neighbors and played a round of disc golf. The next day I went to the races to watch Marshall burn rubber. When the weekend was finally over, I was not pleased with my little Milano. Even as I write this, the problem is not fixed. I ordered one of the few correct Bosch injectors left in the country and dug into the problem. Further investigation on a cold engine in my own driveway, and not some random parking lot, revealed the injector to be fine but the hose was dead. I pulled the system apart and found two hoses of the wrong flavor. One had failed, and the other was on the way out. With all Alfa projects, you find other things needing repair while you dig around. Several other hoses were the wrong flavor, and another pair was correct but so old they could go at any second. I went to the auto parts store and got the right hose and began fixing things. I had some trouble getting the hose on several fittings and had to go get some more. The second time I went, I had to argue with the little punk behind the counter that there was actually a difference between “fuel” hose and “fuel injection” hose. I even went so far as to explain to him the reason I was here was because someone had sold me the wrong hose previously and it had failed in less than three years. And when I could not find any fuel injection hose clamps, the kid pissed me off even more. They were not in their usual location so he had to look it up in the computer. You know what happens next….. “What is it for???” OMG, WTF!! It is a FUEL….INJECTION…HOSE….CLAMP…. What do you think it is for? At this point I took my hose, paid for it, and stormed out of the building. Sadly, my dependable NAPA was out of FI hose clamps but would have more on Tuesday. Well, Tuesday is not right now so I went into the next town over to find an auto parts store that could satisfy my needs. When I finally found some, I bought a box in every size they had!!!!

With correct clamps and fresh hose in hand, I set about finishing the job. There was one fitting I just could not get the hose to go over. Why is this so hard? I kept tearing the hose over and over again. Sometimes you have to stop and see the forest for the trees. A quick glance told me the answer. The answer was obvious. I had the wrong size hose!!! It was exactly the size I had asked for. It was the same size as was marked on one of the old hoses I removed. Chances are, someone had actually made this tiny hose fit in the past and I had just been stupid enough to try and repeat the mistake. Not this time!! I have not fixed the problem yet, but it always goes faster the second time. I bet those hoses go on a lot easier when they are the correct size!!

My final thought to this whole debacle is redemption. Sometime in the next couple weeks I am planning on making a “lost boys” run to the brewery. I am taking as many from my caravan as I can muster, and if we all break down on the way, so be it!! We will walk if we have to!

Alfaisms

Just recently I started collecting some Alfaisms. I do not see this becoming a long term hobby, but wanted to share some funny stuff. A couple of these might offend certain groups, but it is ok, I am a volunteer fire fighter…. (If you did not get that joke, go see Talladega Nights)

I would rather be broken down in my Alfa than driving a BMW.

I'd rather be in an Alfa praying to God that we'll make it home, than sitting in a church thinking about my Alfa.

Dang' - that thing's got a HEMI!

I want to die like my grandfather, in his sleep, not like the screaming passengers in his car.

These cars eat replacement parts like Rosie O'Donnell eats chocolate mousse.

A Ferrari owner told me that I should budget at least 10% of the value of my car every year for replacement parts in order to keep the car's value constant or improve it slightly.

You are not a true petrol head until you have owned an Alfa Romeo.

The 1% of the time they are going right makes up for the 99% of the time they are broken.

When they are right they are like a cheap Ferrari...the rest of the time they are like an expensive Fiat!!

Creativity

So I last night I had some bizarre dreams. I am sure the two and a half rounds of beer from dinner had something to do with it. I was in a marching band. Actually I am not sure what I was doing. There was a marching band. I was not in it. There was a dance crew for the band. It was the sort of thing you see at half time during a college football game, lots of girls in tight spandex numbers running around in a somewhat organized manner. But there was also a real dance team to go with the band. This group was more like what you would see on Broadway. Everyone looked like they belonged in “The Entertainer,” or “West Side Story.” There was lots of practicing during this dream. (Side note, our pregnant waitress at Chilis from the night before gave birth at a nearby hospital in the dream as well.) Of course, I did not practice. I do not play a band instrument, or dance. Really, I have no clue why I was there. But in the end, I was glad I was able to be there to see everything come together. Shortly before the alarm went off, all three groups came together to perform simultaneously. It was amazing. It was all real, no special “dream effects”. What got me about the whole thing was how out of the box it was. The dancing, the music, etc.. were so creative. So, when I finally woke up I had this burning question: Where does it all come from?

I am not talking about dreams. I have no clue where they come from. That would be an entirely different article. What I want to know about is creativity. I am an intern architect. I am supposed to be creative all the time. We spend five years in school doing bizarre and amazing things. But I still do not understand where it all comes from.

In school, my process for design was about logic. Sounds boring, but it can produce some neat stuff. The reason for the logic had to do with how architecture school operates. At the end of each project, you have to present everything out in the hall to guest critics, the professors, fellow students, and anyone who happens to be standing there. If you get up there and tell everyone you think your design “looks cool” you are not going to do so well in the grade department. The critics were looking for reasons and explanations for all your design choices. Sure the plans had to function properly (but not always.) It would also be nice if your design would keep out the rain and stand up against gravity, but not always. In fact, gravity did not happen for us until the second year of school. Adding gravity to our designs sucked!! When you stood up in front of everyone and explained your design, you had to have reasoning for every move you made. You had to be convincing and make a point. Countless times people would present their work and you could see they had just made it all up. Not a good way to design! So, in my work I did nothing without having a plausible explanation. Typically, my reasoning was some irrefutable logic based on science or need or just plain good sense. By the end of my presentations, the critics would have a complete understanding of my building, how it worked, and why it worked. Instead of asking me questions and trying to knock me down, they would just argue amongst themselves about various details and whose theory of whatever was the right one. When you make the judges argue with themselves, rather than with you, you have done something right!

Since this is an article in a car club newsletter, I figure I should eventually talk about cars. No problem! Let’s think about car design. I know how to design a building, but I have never designed a car. What do those guys have to think about when they put pen to paper, or knife to clay? What was Pinninfarina thinking about when he put giant blood troughs on the side of our spiders? What is up with the shoulders on the earlier cars? What is it about Bertone’s GTV that makes it so darn pretty!! Why does the late model SZ/RZ (es30) look so mean?

Being designed by Italians, I doubt any of their ideas were based on logic or reasoning. At least it probably was not any reasoning I would use. But you have to remember, these are Italians! They have more design sense in their little finger than most of us have in our whole bodies. Design is a part of their culture. It is an entire nation of people who really do believe it is better to look good than to actually be good. And you know what the most frustrating part of all this is? It is the fact that I can feel their design, but I cannot explain it. I swoon for my Alfas. I get the tingly butterflies every time I drive an Alfa. And yet, I am almost certain if I ever tried to design a car it would be more like a BMW than an Alfa. My design would be clean, taught, and sterile. Everything would make clear sense. A place for everything, and everything in its place! Alfas are not like that at all!! Nothing makes sense. And yet it is all so perfect! Arggh!

Maybe that is what is so magical about these cars. For me, something is magical only if I can fully explain it, and yet it still remains special. Think about it. Magic is only magic until you know the secrets. As we learn more and more about how stuff works, less and less stuff retains its magic. But if something can stand up to understanding and still keep it’s luster, that is magic!! And Alfas most certainly do!! Everyone has a basic understanding of how an engine works. Most people can grasp the basic physics of how handling works. And we all know how to drive a car! But even then, the Alfa is different! It is almost as if putting an Alfa badge on something is like sprinkling it with pixie dust. You get in, you turn the key, you drive off and attack some curves, and when it is all said and done, you know you have been part of something special.

So where does this creativity come from? What makes these cars so special? Is it just randomness mixed in with some luck and intuition? Are Italians just better at “feeling” what is right about an automobile? I have no clue, but I think I am going to keep driving and working on my Alfas until I figure it out!!

Addiction

Hi, my name is Tim, and I am an addict. I guess admitting you have a problem is the first step. I am not really sure what the other steps are, and admitting I have a problem is like stating the obvious. You would have to be dead not to have noticed. Someone should probably have some kind of intervention for me. Some of you reading this are probably addicted as well. Go ahead and admit it. I will let you know the second step in the program when I get there.

A couple weeks ago I was Alfa-less for the first time in years. That is not to say I did not have my Alfas. They were both still sitting in the driveway. The problem was just that. They were both sitting in the driveway. No driving! Sure, in the past one of them would fail. I can remember having to get towed home so I could swap vehicles and head back towards the office in the morning. That is why you have to have at least two. In fact, we keep a third car just in case of the story I am about to tell.

The third car is not an Alfa. It is not European. It is not old. It is not sexy. It is not high performance. It is not even rear wheel drive (no offense 164 owners…) Hell, the only thing our tertiary backup car has in common with an Alfa is four wheels, an engine, some seats, etc. It is a 2006 Scion xB. We call it “Tostapane,” Italian for toaster. The newer models have some minor curves. The early body style is a box. The newer models have more power than a spider. The first generation only has 104hp. It is almost like driving an old diesel. You put your foot down and nothing happens. It makes a lot of noise, but you do not go anywhere fast. Sure maybe it could outrun some old English tractors, but forget about out running anything you would commonly see on the road today.

So how did I end up in the third car? Well, the spider had been off the road for weeks. The exhaust had given up in a bad way. Everything from the cat back is brand new. All the gaskets and hangers are new. No leaks to be found. From the cat forward is another story. On S3 spiders the cat is part of the exhaust from the manifold to the first muffler. It is a pretty hearty piece of steel. But time takes it toll on everything. The seams had given up down most of the length of one side of this pipe. So not only did I have an exhaust leak, it was right in front of the driver. How exciting. Nothing gets you going in the morning like fresh exhaust fumes in a closed car. Truth be told, I have probably been driving the car like this for a while. Once I actually saw how bad the leak was, I realized there was nothing good for my health happening to and from work each day. Not to mention the Eau du exhaust cologne. So naturally I parked it while awaiting parts (read: cash flow) for the repair.

The Milano was the new car of choice. What is not to like? The radio works. The air blows cold. The Recaros are oh so nice. And, the engine is amazing!! Wait, what was the second reason the car was so great? Cold air? That is until the compressor freezes up on the interstate one day! (Interesting how the term “freezing up” refers to when the compressor overheats and blows itself to bits on the inside due to a lack of oil) So now the Milano is parked as well. I know some of you are wagging your head and thinking bad thoughts of me for not driving a car because the air is not working. But how many of you live in south Louisiana? I know for sure all the members in New Orleans are wondering how I can drive the car down here in the summer even with the air working!! In fact, I have some friends who own newer modern cars from various continents, and even their a/c had trouble keeping up with the soaring temps we have seen recently! Anyways, the a/c was dead, and so was the car as far as I am concerned.

And here I sit in the Scion. Remember the last article I wrote? The one about modern cars versus our old Alfas? Well the Scion fits the bill. Except it is like a modern car with training wheels. There is not enough power to get into trouble. The tall seating position and high boxy shape make even the most confident driver lose his nerve long before the car loses grip. Everything electrical works. There are no gauges. I have a speedometer and a tachometer. That is it. Everything else you might want a gauge for is covered by an idiot light. The car does have one fun Alfa-like quirk! The car refuses to shift (automatic transmission of course) into overdrive until the engine is fully warmed up. Weird, but true. Perhaps someone more enlightened than me can explain the reasoning behind that one.

The first few days were ok. Driving a boring car is quite relaxing compared to our caffeinated Alfas. I almost fell asleep at the wheel several times. But by the end of the first week, I was getting antsy. At work I was becoming testier with people. I would say things that seemed perfectly ordinary to me but freaked out my friends and coworkers. (Ok, maybe I do that all the time regardless of what I drive.) Obviously withdrawal was setting in!

I started doubling my coffee intake. At night I would sit in the dormant cars and make vroom vroom noises while shifting a cold gearbox. And when I had the chance I worked feverishly to replace the a/c compressor on the Milano. Nothing helped. I even started offering to drive Brittaney around in her Rabbit!! I felt like a strung out crack head! I would do anything for a fix!

At the end of two weeks, I had the a/c repaired on the Milano. Since I had the system completely open, I made sure everything was correct and to spec this time. No more a/c failures for me!

The first day after falling off the wagon was a little tense. Driving a boring car changes your driving style. I had lost my aggression. No more quick passes. No more screeching corners. But over time it, all started to come back to me. Now after several weeks back on Alfa-crack, I can drive as insane as the worst, irresponsible teenager. But I can do it while toe-heal shifting!! So I have to repeat to you all, “Hi, my name is Tim, and I am an addict.” I guess I will keep going to support group meetings, but I hope they never find a cure.

“Alfa Romeo is not merely a maker of automobiles: it truly is something more than a conventionally built car. It is a kind of affliction, an enthusiasm for a means of transport. It is a way of living, a very special way of perceiving the motor vehicle. What it is resists definition. Its elements are like those irrational character traits of the human spirit which cannot be explained in logical terms. They are sensations, passions, things that have much more to do with man’s heart than with his brain”.

-Orazio Satta

I cannot drive a new car

I cannot drive a new car. You see, in the past twenty years or so since my Alfas were new the quality and design of modern cars has become so poor that they just do not hold up. Not sure what happened but modern cars are just junk. Sure they have good fit and finish. Sure the air blows really cold. Sure they start right up every morning hot or cold. Sure they do not overheat in traffic. Sure you can go 10,000 miles without changing the oil, or even checking it. But ask yourself… Can you drive it?!?!

A few weeks ago I took my wife’s virtually new 2009 VW Rabbit in for it’s first service. It has a wonderful 2.5L inline 5. The engine has proven reliable since it was introduced a few years ago and has received a decent horsepower upgrade as a result. When this engine came out it made only 155hp. Seems to me like Alfa was doing that with the GTV6 back in the day. Now the engine makes 170hp along with plenty of grunt! I digress. The engine is not the subject of this story. So anyways, I took the car in for an oil change and whatever else they do. It still wigs me out that we drove the thing 10,000 miles before it needed service, but whatever. The Germans know what they are doing.

So while I am there I sit in some cars and poke around a bit. Have you seen the new Passat CC? Wow! I could see myself in one of those! And while I was there I had to try out the latest technical gizmo from Germany. You see I had yet to put the smack down on a DSG gearbox. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Direct-Shift_Gearbox) One of the benefits of coming from a family that almost exclusively buys VWs is that the dealer gets to know you. So I just called over one of the salesmen and asked to drive something with the DSG. A minute or so later they hand me the keys to a brand new GTI and tell me where it is parked. They did not even come with me or bother to show me the car! That is trust! So I got in, made plenty of seat adjustments, and took off! Wow, what a gearbox! It just shifts! Up, down, whatever! It just does it! And the rev matching is so much better than that stupid tiptronic Porsche sold them for the rest of the fleet. So I took it around the usual test drive route. All the dealers in this area use the same loop to show off cars. Perhaps I take the curves faster than most test drivers, but I have been driving this loop for years now. Eventually I get back to the dealer and the Rabbit is still not ready. No bother, I brought a book!

If you love cars and have not read any of the “Last Open Road” series, you are missing out! Ok, enough of all this mess. This is not an advertisement for VW or B.S. Levy books. (If you get a chance you should try them both!) Finally the car was ready. They even washed it, albeit not like I would have done my Alfas.

For the trip home, I drove the car like I drive my own cars- HARD. I popped it over into the crummy autostick (not sure if it is still tiptronic, it certainly seems better than it used to be). I also took the opportunity to disengage the ESP. I do not want the car reading my mind anyways! Boy did I ever drive it hard. Plenty of redline shifts, hard braking, WOT and the like. This car is fun! It is a good twenty to thirty miles back into Zachary from the far side of Baton Rouge, so I really got the chance to get into this car. The car may have even gotten into me a little bit. Big smiles!!

Eventually I got back to the house. And that is when I found out that modern cars are just not built the same as my old Alfas. Both rear brakes were smoking! And I mean hot! When I pulled into the driveway I saw clouds roll by before I got out of the car. Needless to say, I was not pleased. I called the dealer and got some BS excuse about fancy wheel cleaner causing smoking and such. I drove the car some more and the brakes cooled off. At first they were squealing as I went down the road, but it eventually went away. To be honest, I have not driven the car since. The wife was not pleased, but she has had no problems so I guess everything is ok. The rear pads will probably need replacing before the fronts.

Did I mention that I once gave a brand new Toyota rental car a miss over a week of driving? That was a fun time too, but not worth telling here. I am not trying to bash new cars here. I have several modern cars on my shopping list for when I win the lottery. The point is that next time you get into your perfect little Honda or BMW or Hyundai to go to work or the grocery store, ask yourself how hard you would push this car. Would you push it like you push your Alfa? Would you throw it into the corners? Would you hold it in a lower gear just to listen to the engine scream? And most of all, would the car take it? Do you have confidence you could do that everyday and not blow it up? Those are all questions I do not have answers to. But I do know that for my Alfas, the answer to all of those questions is YES! With gusto! So grab yourself a beer and raise a toast to your Alfa and it’s antiquated engineering, long may it run!

(Note- no rabbits were harmed in the making of this newsletter.)

Epilogue/technical note-

After some research online I think I eventually found the problem. Does anyone here know the subtle braking difference between a Verde/Platinum Milano and the rest of the Milanos? Sure you do… ABS. Not only does the Verde have ABS, but the engineers actually took it into consideration when designing the brake system. Since the ABS system would take care of any lock ups, the engineers saw fit to put a bunch of brake bias to the rear. It makes perfect sense! Well, the German engineers agreed! So the Rabbit has a healthy dose of rear brake bias. It also has that stupid ESP. The Germans rigged it up so that even when the ESP is off, it is still on a little. And one of the ways the ESP works is to use the rear brakes to control the car in cornering. So the end result of aggressive driving is some hot hot hot rear brakes. Wow!

More than concourse clean

Did you know there are places you can clean your car a concourse judge will never see? Sure you did. Some places are obvious, but today I am going to show you some you may have missed. And more importantly, keeping some of these places clean may help keep your car rust and trouble free. Who would have thought you could make your car better just by cleaning it? Of course, doesn’t the old saying go, “A clean car goes faster…”

This first place is good for all the mainstream Alfas. I do not have enough experience to discuss the early cars. And the 164 is foreign to me too. Perhaps at some time or another you have heard someone mention the “secret compartment” in the front wheel wells? Well, the secret is out! On spiders there is a panel in the front and rear of the front wheel wells. Other cars might only have the rear panel. The front panel just conceals all the headlight guts and really does not hide anything. The rear panel is the tricky one. On the passenger side of most spiders is where the charcoal canister is located. If you ever install a Greg Gordon silicone hose kit you will need to get in there. But the more important reason to dig into the rear compartments is to clean out what will probably be a massive collection of dirt, debris, and leaves. Do not ask me how it all gets in there, but once it does, it stays forever. Or at least until you clean all the junk out. So what difference does it make to have an extra few ounces of dirt in some place you will never see? It makes a huge difference!! Dirt and rotting leaves have a best friend called moisture. Need I say more? Moisture sits in the bottom and rots out your body and rockers almost as fast as the leaves you did not even know were there. As far as I can tell, if you clean out these spaces every couple years your car will be in good shape.

Another great place to keep clean is under the dash. I know this seems trivial, but you would be amazed at how dirty your hands can get feeling around under there. We all try to keep the interiors of our cars clean, but somehow dust collects on all the wiring, fuses, and electronic devices stuffed into the dash. I am not really sure how one would go about keeping a location such as this clean, but at the very least you should make a good wiping down part of any under dash repairs or wire hunting you may undertake in the future. You might find the colors on your wiring diagrams match up better when all your wires are shiny and bright!

Ok, so what if I told you there was a place you looked every time you drive your Alfa, but have probably never considered cleaning? And what if I told you this was one of the easiest things to keep clean? I am talking about your rear view mirror. But not just on the outside. Sure we all give the mirror a nice once over when we do the windows and windshields. But have you ever taken the rear view mirror off the car and taken it apart? They are not very hard to remove. The Milano mirror just pulls right off as part of a safety feature. I am pretty sure two screws will leave a spider mirror in your hand. Both mirrors come apart the same way. The plastic surround on the face of the mirror can be carefully removed. The various layers of glass and mirror are just sitting underneath. This is your chance to get all the dust and haze out from the inside! I know I have done this to all the Alfas I have owned. And even then I have to do it again on occasion when dust finds it way inside. Remember, installation is the reversal of removal! Hah!

So what about under your car? We all know about keeping the engine clean. And certainly the undercarriage gets a good spray down when the car is washed. Well other parts down there have not seen the light of day since your car was made! Or at least since your last engine swap or clutch job. A good example is the heat shield over the Catalytic convertor on a Milano. For whatever reason I seem to be taking it on and off all the time. And every time I do, I clean it thoroughly. But before I clean it each time, I take note of how dirty it is, and what sort of mess is making it dirty. Being as the tranny is in the back on the Milano, the most prominent fluid is engine oil. But it could be fuel, or coolant, or brake fluid. Who knows? On a 105/115 car you will find the transmission mount/cross member in the same location. When you take it off you can see it is almost scoop or shovel like in design. The part the engineers screwed up on is the direction. It faces forward! So next time you do a clutch job, or have one done, be sure this little cross member gets cleaned out. The first couple times I did it, I thought the welding was really poor. But as I cleaned harder I realized what I thought was big globs of metal was actually small pebbles embedded in hardened muck! Gross!

Ok, so now you get the idea. There is more to keeping your car clean than simply waxing the beautiful paint. There are all sorts of places you can keep clean that really make a difference in the life of your car. So next time you are cleaning your car, try and find some and make it just that little bit cleaner. A judge may never see it, but you will know it is clean. And you are the one who has to drive the car, not the judge. Clean on!