Second Gear Synchro

Intake and Exhaust

2010-09-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

I am not sure about everyone else reading this, but I can recognize certain Alfas by the sound they make as they drive by. I remember when I worked at Garcia Alfa Racing I could tell if what just pulled up was an Alfa and also what model it was. For some reason a GTV6 was especially telling in its exhaust note.

There is something special about an old Alfas sound. Modern regular cars do not often share the same qualities. The best car I can think of for sound right now is perhaps an Infiniti or Nissan. They have spent countless hours tuning the exhaust to be just right. I must admit that I have added those vehicles to the list I can identify by sound. Of course I cannot tell one from the other but I can certainly give you a brand. Sadly their exhaust note just isn’t right. It sounds processed. It sounds contrived. It seems obvious they put the sound there. It did not come about naturally.

In an Alfa the sounds are there because they are meant to be there. I cannot speak for the new Alfas but the ones they sold in this country I know all about. Have you ever seen the inside of an Alfa exhaust? You want to know why they sound so good? The answer is two fold. First it is because performance was paramount. The second is because Alfa is cheap.

Performance comes from tuning the exhaust. A lot of people think that the key to exhaust performance is reducing backpressure. That is true but only up to a point. You see certain amounts of backpressure are key to low-end torque. But if you want top end power you have to find a balance and get that pipe as free flowing as possible. Well anyone can tell you our cars are not torque monsters. If you want some grunt you have to wind the stink out of them. Rev it up a bit. See how far you can bury the needle in the red before your ego gives out or the engine gives up.

So what is inside an Alfa exhaust that makes it so free flowing? The answer is nothing. Perhaps you have seen commercials for flowmaster or other fancy exhaust systems. They use baffles and the redirection of air flow to quiet things down while producing the desired sound. An Alfa exhaust is more like the silencer on a gun. Take a tube, put some perforations around it and put it in a box full of steel wool. You take out some of the sound but you leave most of the flow. The realities are somewhat more technical than this but you get the point. Other companies use weird contraptions to make their exhaust sound a certain way or to make their exhaust note just plain disappear. Alfa said screw your ears and get that gas out of the engine as fast as you can! The end result is a nice burble and an excellent noise response to your right foot.

The cheap aspect to the Alfa sound comes from the background of the company. No, not the background we read about in books with all the racing and engineering and design. I am talking about the lack of money, the poor craftsmanship of many of the parts, and the general cheapness of materials. I have a receipt for my spider that shows the original owner had to get a new exhaust for the car less than five years after the original purchase date. What? Five years?!?! That is absurd. But if you think about it, it all makes sense. If they made the exhaust out of thick, heavy gauge, high quality steel all the sound would be lost. Or perhaps the note would not be as sweet. Instead they cobbled together an ill-fitting exhaust using recycled rusty cans and left over pencil shavings. The welds cracked the moment your drove off the lot. The seams rusted out the first time your drove through a puddle. Sure the materials were awful, but nothing sounds better than metal so thin you can read through it. When the engine screams for more we can hear every last word!!

Now let us get away from exhaust for a minute. Why is everyone so obsessed with exhaust? I blame emissions and American V8s. People are obsessed with exhaust because they have forgotten what a proper intake noise sounds like. I mean seriously, which is better a nice exhaust or the snort a set of side draft webers makes as it tries to suck a small animal down into the engine? I think we will all agree the snort beats the fart any day. So where did the snort go? Well it got buried.

In the history of Alfa they have slowly lost that wonderful intake sound due to burying it deeper and deeper in the engine. First we had carbs. If you take off the filter and look down the throats you can see the inside of the engine. You cannot get much closer to the action than that. Fire it up and you can hear what the engine is thinking before it even happens. Each cylinder has it’s own throttle body and gets tuned for it’s individual needs.

Next came SPICA. Not much change in sound here. Perhaps there was a little less popping through the intake, but in general you have the same aural pleasures.

So now after years and years and years of listening to an engine from the front and the back, Alfa slaps on Bosch FI to bring things up to date. Is Bosch the problem here? No. I happen to like the computerized fuel injection for its reliability and general ease of maintenance. The problem here is how Alfa went about implementing things. Instead of using a set of paper-thin filter elements or an equally thin sheet metal filter housing, Alfa slapped on a massive aluminum intake plenum. Are plenums bad? No. They are great for engine breathing, the bigger the better. But does it have to be so thick? I think not. Rather than a thick-skinned aluminum casting which absorbs all the wonderful Alfa music, we could have easily gotten away with another sheet metal box. And where did all the individual throttle bodies go? Now we only have a single throttle on the far side of the plenum.

But intakes alone do not an engine note make. A great deal of the sound comes from the engine itself. The solid lifters make a nice rhythmic tapping sound. On Bosch cars you can hear the fuel injectors fire with a nice rapid click. If your engine is worn, a piston slap or something worse might make your car somewhat unique.

I think the key to engine music is the ability to hear the engine in all its glory. It just is what it is and just by chance it is a sound that touches our souls. We live in an era when engines are hidden by plastic covers. Sound dampening panels and insulation blankets deprive us of our engine notes. Long, well-built, thick walled exhausts are scientifically designed to muffle an engine without hurting performance. What is this world coming to? I don’t have the answer, but when I get especially depressed about it I go out into the garage and fire up one of my cars. A few blips of the throttle releases sounds that make my heart flutter and life feels good again.

Side note: American V8s are mostly exhaust note rather than intake. My reasoning is the long runners on the cast intake manifold muffle the intake sounds somewhat. It is then coupled to a carburetor with a single or maybe two butterflies. I will take individual runners and throttle bodies any day. I have heard that small blocks with webers are incredibly intoxicating to listen to. When I find one, I will let you know.

Second side note: Why do Ferraris and Small blocks sound so different? The answer is in the crankshaft. Ferraris use a flat plane crank meaning the throws are 180 degrees apart. This gives it a fundamental quality like two four cylinder engines back to back. The result is a beehive sound that makes the engine scream even when it is not working hard. The American designed v8 engines of yore all use a cross plane crankshaft. The throws are 90 degress apart. This causes a harmonic to form in the exhaust that cancels out every other cylinder. Now the term “lazy” or “loping” makes more sense when used to describe these engines. Even when at full tilt they sound like they are barely working. That is because we only hear half the song!

Concourse and Poker Run

2010-07-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

What is it with the rain? How many years have we consistently had wet concours events? I am getting tired of the wetness! Maybe next year we will have a backup location with a roof!

Other than the wet weather we had another excellent concours this year! The turnout was still acceptable even though the rain made for many no shows. Let’s see. We had my spider. We had the Durning’s spider. We had the Broussard’s spider. And we had a brand new car!!

No it was not a brand spanking new car freshly arrived from Europe. It was a new car to the group. While driving around town the day before, several of us stumbled upon a Giulia Super just like Mike Hemsley’s! It was almost identical in trim, engine, condition, etc. The biggest difference was color! And the even better news, the owner lives in the area! Now if only we can get him to join the club…

Hey maybe we can get this fellow to join if we give him a trophy! In what seems like a new tradition, the new guy took first prize. I seem to remember a 164LS doing that a few years ago. But hey, based on the competition the right car won both times! This blue Super was just fantastic. Of course having Mike Hemsley as a judge probably helps too.

Our other judge was a member who not only loves Alfas, but he also loves BMWs. He is the local BMW club’s president of all things!! So to take advantage of this joint member we invited the BMW club to our concours and the rally the day before. No one stuck around for the concours, but the door has been opened for joint events in the future! Perhaps one day this event will be as big as our annual rally in Jackson.

Speaking of rallying, we had one. A poker rally. on the day before the concours. Oh yeah, it rained. The day started off with so much rain we almost called off the poker rally for safety reasons! On the course were two low water bridges that could have been flooded! And of course debris is always an issue on back roads in the woods. Despite the weather we managed to get everyone underway. And we even had a few guests! Jeff Cobb joined us in his Lamborghini Espada. Chappy and Mickey came in a hot little miata. And finally, we had a new comer in a wonder Sunbeam Alpine. He was the bravest of them all. Some of the parts to the top and weather seals are still missing from his restoration. Among the actual club members we had the Broussards in their immaculate spider. Trying to keep Jeff from running him over was Marshal and son in his spider.

The winner was Chappy and Mickey. I have no idea what their time was. But I do know they had the better hand. Was there a big prize? Nope. Did everyone have a great time? Yes!! I think next year we will invite more groups, hold the rally earlier in the morning, and have a big prize for the winner. How does that sound? Yeah, I like it too! Not only that, but Ed wants to do the same for the concours. We want more cars, more clubs, more judges, and bigger prizes. So if you have any suggestions for how to make these events bigger and better for next year, let me know!! Till then, keep your car shiny and your tires warm.

Lemons Race

2010-07-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

On May 1^st and 2^nd I got to go racing for the first time. I thought racing was about going around the track as fast as possible. Turns out it is really about tracing electrical faults, and watching for mechanical failures. Track time is only half of the story.

There is a new racing series in town: 24 Hours of Lemons. The concept is simple. You get a bunch of racers together and you put them in beaters and you send them out onto the track and see who it still running at the end of the day. The details are important but simple. Your racecar must cost $500 or less. The price must include purchasing the car and all the race prep except for safety. You would be amazed at what is considered a “safety item.” Unfortunately safety upgrades will only make you so fast.

I was lucky enough to be a part of “Team Danger Ranger.” We had a ’95 Ford Ranger pickup with a tiny little 2.3 liter four. It had a nice five speed but was so slow we only used first through third. Lets just say the truck was well seasoned. This was its fifth or sixth lemons race. Previous to this weekend the truck had been a flawless performer. At the last race there was metal bending incident and the truck decided not to run so well as a result. A light freshening of the engine ensued and that is where the trouble began.

The people who took the engine out of the truck and the people who put it back were not the same people. On top of that, there was no labeling of any component and no service manual to speak of. I was not able to be on either team, but I know things must have worked out because the truck was ready just in time for Friday practice.

Practice went well. It was the second time I had driven the track and the first time I had been out with other cars. Talk about nervous! The number one rule for me was not to go fast. It was to not bend any metal on or off the track! I think it was a success!!

Saturday came bright and early and we were ready to race! On day one the race went for a bit over 6 hours. On day two the race would continue for another 7 hours or so. We fueled up the truck, went to the drivers meeting, and got the truck onto the grid. I was not scheduled to run until much later in the day, and was dying of anticipation.

Our first troubles came in the form of charging issues and a dead battery. A dead battery can be dealt with using a push start, but a lack of charging will leave you dead in the water.

The truck came in and we dove into the electricals trying to find an answer. We found two things. First there was a wire that had been cut through on one of the frame rails. The second problem was a missing tickler wire for the alternator. Some time in the morning, after running through several batteries, we finally found a temporary fix for the missing wire and were back in business. Of course full power is not always a blessing.

When I got into the truck the plan was to run until we needed to refuel. While there was a fuel gauge, I was told the truck would let me know when we needed to refuel by stumbling and sputtering. The first thing I noticed out on the track is a massive set of invisible bumps in turn five. I tried going tight, going wide, going down the middle, decreasing radius, increasing radius. Nothing seemed to help. Since there was no smooth way around the corner, the fast way was best.

Our truck was slow. Crazy slow. A touch over 100 horses slow. The scary part was not watching myself get passed by all the fast cars. The scary part was finding safe ways to pass all the cars slower than the truck! It looks so easy on TV. In real life it is not so simple. When I get it figured out I will let you know!

The next set of troubles was a flaky oil pressure sensor wire. Every time I went around the corner four the oil pressure would drop to zero and sit there for a few seconds. It was consistent and slowing down seemed to make it go away. I figured we must be burning some oil and it had dropped to a level that missed the pump pick up under high cornering loads. I pulled into the pits and the crew checked it out. The level was fine. They wiggled the wires a bit and sent me back out. I know they had faith everything would be ok, but I was really nervous about destroying a “newish” engine. A few laps later and the fuel stumbling started so I came in for real and we did a driver change and fuel stop.

If I remember correctly the truck had to be towed back to the pits the next time. It was dead. We found a blown fuse and sent the truck back out. I cannot remember how long we were back out before there was another blown fuse. This time it was a fuse we could not find many replacements for. Ever heard of a “maxi” fuse? It is a huge blade type fuse. We blew our last one and sent a driver to the store for some fuses and a shop manual. Meanwhile the competition kept making laps.

After consulting with a track mechanic and friend we decided the problem was in all the left over wiring from when the truck was turned into a race vehicle. Apparently part of the race prep was to start the truck and begin unplugging things in the engine compartment until the truck died. If something was not necessary it was unplugged and removed. The end result is a huge mess of dangling wires and connectors. Combining to make things worse was a leaking power steering pump reservoir drenching everything with oil and gunk. A couple frayed wires in the mix caused an immediate short.

To solve the problem we very carefully started clipping off connectors and taping up the ends. Not only did we eliminate the blown fuse but, we cleaned up the engine bay of all the loose junk. By this time the competition the racing was over for the day. We took the opportunity to refuel for the morning, change the tires, and make our temporary repairs more permanent. When racing started in the morning we were ready!!! Unfortunately, the track was not. Just like our concours this year, there was rain. It was only a little drizzle so they started the race behind the pace car. Around the same time we figured out one of the fuses we cannibalized the day before was for the wipers!!! Rain-x is awesome, but Marshal is a brave man for staying out as long as he did.

When his stint was done we fixed the wipers and sent out the next driver. This day was much easier to deal with. The rain was the only thing slowing us down. And the rain would not have been so bad if it had actually rained. Or maybe it would have been better if the rain had stopped. In reality the rain fluctuated from drizzle to storm to drying all day long.

When I got in the truck towards the end the track was drying rapidly. A few laps in the rain started to come down harder. Later a fellow driver suggested I had the worst situation to deal with. If you go out in the wet and it dries, you can go faster and faster and typically the corner has more grip than you expect. When things are getting wetter each time around, the track becomes unpredictable. The grip you had just one lap ago is sometimes there and sometimes gone. It can be frustrating and exciting at the same time.

But in the end it was not the rain or the electricals or the fuel that brought me into the pits. There are some things that are not meant to fail on a vehicle. I have heard of bolts shearing. I have seen pistons go through blocks. I have seen vehicles catch on fire or spin end over end. What stopped the truck was new to us all!!

Remember turn five? The one with the invisible bumps? I asked Marshal about the bumps. He said, “if you hit the bumps you are doing it right.” After those words I drove right over them and gave it no thought. I am assuming all my more experienced teammates did the same. Over the course of two days of bumps the truck finally cried out for mercy. At first the problem showed up as a vibration. Then it started to crunch going into third. And finally the steering was not right and the truck would go in whichever direction it wanted. We are talking full lock just to go straight!

I pulled into the pits to a confused crew and shut off the truck. I explained the problem and we started looking for an answer. One look under the bed and we knew our day was done. One of the leaf springs had sheared off at the axle. Yes, sheared off! At the axle! We did not rip a mount or bushing off the frame. We did not twist anything. We ripped a ¼” thick piece of spring steel into two! And later when we changed the leaf springs as a pair, we discovered the other side was sheared in the exact same place! The only thing keeping the axle on the truck was the limiting chains, and the shocks. Oh yeah, the gas tank helped keep the axle centered. A few more laps and it would have been a hot truck!

In the end we finished 23^rd out of 36. The guys behind us must have been really slow or broken down more than we did! With a new set of springs and some revised wiring, the truck is ready and waiting for its next race!!!

Random thoughts

2010-03-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

First random thought: Why do lifetime parts never look as cool as rebuildable parts that break down every once in a while? Is it impossible to make a really cool car part that actually works? I suppose Ferrari is doing that now, but I do not see them turning 100,000 miles all the time with out a single break down and limited maintenance. Now Toyota on the other hand, they built soul-less Japanese crap-box cars, but they sure do work! During this gas pedal extravaganza I have had the chance to check out some of their gas pedals. Not cool. Boring is too exciting a word to describe the pedals. And yet my Alfas all have awesome gas pedals. In fact I cringe when I see those stupid screw on covers that tuners put on their pedals. If the pedals were functional and sexy to begin with, the kids would not have to mess with them.

Second random thought: Just found out the other day Alfas are actually reliable!! Or at least they used to be. I was talking to fellow Alfa owner Marshall St. Amant about the reliability of the Milano and Spider and he scoffed at my numbers. I was quite proud of the fact each car had done a minimum of 10,000 miles between breakdowns. He immediately offered up the fact his GTV6 bought from new back in the day did over 75,000 miles without ever leaving him on the side of the road. That is not to say it did not need occasional “maintenance” at an inopportune time, but it never left him stranded. Not bad for an Italian car from the 80s!!

Third random thought: This has been a really sad and depressing month for cars. On the national level we have the whole Toyota gas pedal thing. Sure, I do not like them, but every car company deserves a chance. Problems that are really hard to solve and cause damage to the company’s image are not good. Better get a solution quick!! On the more local level we have my Milano incident. The details are contained elsewhere in this newsletter. On a following weekend Brad Way was having great difficulty changing some seals in his spiders brake system. Why are robust and long-lived seals always hidden behind really delicate and expensive parts that refuse to come off the car? Going back a couple weekends I had to replace the water pump on our Jetta, twice. The first one was great for about a month. Then it started weeping. Brand new water pumps do not weep!! After a thorough investigation to make sure I did not do anything wrong, it was confirmed the water pump was not leaking, it was weeping from the weep hole. Oh well, at least it is an easy item to change. The Germans really thought this one through. Other car companies could learn from them. And finally, this past weekend, Marshall’s racecar had a breakdown that put it out of commission for the foreseeable future. Seems like there is some really bad car-ma floating around right now. You have been warned!

Fourth random thought: Getting to work on a modern car is really an eye opening experience. Automotive engineering has come a long ways since the last new Alfa graced these shores. While not all of it has been good, some of it has been great!! For instance, the advent of “lifetime” fluids and extremely long oil change intervals has made maintenance chores much lighter. In fact, I am even considering incorporating some of these modern fluids into my own fleet. Of course modernity comes at a price. While my Alfas will happily drink down whatever I put in them, the VWs in our garage are pickier. While doing the water pump changes I learned about a proprietary coolant called G12 used exclusively by VW. It is purple or pink depending on if you get old G12 or new G12+. Either way it is neat stuff. Other owners have found this antifreeze makes internal corrosion of aluminum engines a thing of the past. And to make sure you have the right stuff, VW has added a chemical that turns the purple goodness into brown badness if someone tops up or mixes in the wrong stuff. Not sure what that does other than sell more G12, but it is neat to be able to know for sure you have the right stuff and nothing else.

Another interesting feature of a modern car is how things are sealed. My Alfas have gaskets on the water pumps. Each time you change the thing you have to scrape off the old gasket and clean the mating surface on the block. Not so on the modern VW 4 cylinder. Their water pump seals to the block using an o-ring that fits in a hole in the side of the block. There is nothing to scrape off. There are no gasket sealers to apply. If you are not changing the fluid you can pop the old pump off and shove the new one on and lose less than a quart of coolant! Amazing!!

And what is up with the timing belt intervals? The factory has no set mileage to change the belt!! The shop manual says 90,000 miles tops. Common knowledge among enthusiasts is 60,000 miles. That is double our old v6 Alfas! To top it off, you do not have to take half the car apart to do it either.

My only complaint so far is the strange fasteners. I am sure there is a really good engineering reason for using a torx head on many of the fasteners. All I know is I need to buy some extra tools. The other side of the coin is the really awesome hose clamps they use!! Have you seen the ones you remove with just pliers? You simply squeeze the ears and wiggle it off. How simple is that!! And VW even paints little arrows on the hoses to show the correct orientation of the clamp to the hose to the fitting. Wow.

Ok, enough random thoughts. Go get a beer and get greasy with your car.

And then there were none

2010-03-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

When Bonnie suggested we visit the Abita Brewery again for the first time in several years, I was very excited. Last time, we did not take the tour. The club only ate in the brew pub. This time, I was not going to let that happen. I emailed the brewery and asked many questions. I went back and forth with the PR lady about times, size of group, age restrictions, shoe requirements, and what to expect. Everything was laid out perfectly.

What could make a trip to the brewery even better? A caravan of Alfas!! We have some new members and some non-members who were just as excited about the event as I was. My racing buddy, Marshall, wanted to go. One of our newest members, Brad, was so excited he was going to make a weekend of it with the wife. (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more…) A neighbor who chased me home, and happens to own a really nice stingray Corvette, was nervous about being the only American car there but knew deep inside that a little beer would smooth out all the tensions. And finally, my neighbors across the street were planning on attending just for the chance to visit the brewery.

As the day for the trip approached, it felt like Christmas! There were visions of purple haze and turbodog dancing in my head. I told all my friends and neighbors how exciting this was going to be. I even found some time to wash the Milano for the trip. Then, as the midnight hour approached, my caravan began to fall apart. My long time drinking buddies could not make it because of work. Marshall was going racing as long as the weather held up. And who can blame him! Racing always trumps beer in my logbook. My corvette buddy got his weekends switched up and had to work on Saturday. The afternoon before, I got a call from Brad and found he had some emergency family issues and could not make the trip. And that very evening, my neighbors bailed because work came up.

My caravan was down to one. Not much of a caravan any more, but the car was clean and gassed up for the trip. We left bright and early and made our way to the brewery, but we never made it. Early on, we noticed a light fuel smell. At the time, we were behind a pickup truck hauling an ATV. We just assumed the smell was coming from there. Over a couple miles, the smell faded away. Everything went fine for the rest of the trip until about 7 miles from Abita. I looked down and noticed we were nearly out of gas. When we left we had ¾ of a tank. Alfas get great gas mileage. I should have been able to make it there and back on a single tank. And as I continued to glance from the road to the gauge and back, I thought I could actually see the needle going down. This is not good!!! Of course at this point, we were not any where near an exit. It was miles to the next exit, and when that exit came up we took it!!! Of course, there was no gas station to be found either! So ,we just found the closest empty lot and pulled in. Our first call was to Andy and Mike. Being this close, I figured I could get some help from them changing whatever hose was leaking or fitting that had come loose.

Before help could arrive, Britt and I popped the hood and found fuel everywhere!! The whole engine compartment was soaked. It is a wonder the whole car had not burst into flames. Even with a leak of this level, we still could not see any obvious leak. So I had Britt stand back and watch while I cranked the car. As soon as the fuel pump got power, fuel came spurting from one of the injectors. Britt screamed for me to stop. Even from inside the car, I could see the fuel spraying. So, for the second attempt I had Britt crank the car while I watched. It seemed obvious to me that the injector itself was leaking. There is no amount of hose that will fix an internal injector seal failure. We were finished!

My next call was to my favorite towing company. My usual guy politely asked if it was the green one or the black one. I told him it was the black one and where we were located. He gave us an estimated wait time and headed out. In the mean time, Andy and Mike showed up just long enough to take some pictures and commiserate. There was nothing they could do to help and we were only keeping them from their beer so they went on their way. The thought of joining them and getting a tow later in the day ran through my head, but there was no telling what the wait would be in the afternoon and the truck was already on the way.

If you ever break down in the Baton Rouge or surrounding areas, be sure to give Davis and Sons a call. They are really nice people. On the ride home, we stopped for snacks and commiserated about how it had been over a year since my last tow. If you do the math, that is 10,000 miles without a hiccup. Not bad for an Italian car old enough to vote with well over 200,000 miles on the clock.

Later that day, Britt and I gathered up the neighbors and played a round of disc golf. The next day I went to the races to watch Marshall burn rubber. When the weekend was finally over, I was not pleased with my little Milano. Even as I write this, the problem is not fixed. I ordered one of the few correct Bosch injectors left in the country and dug into the problem. Further investigation on a cold engine in my own driveway, and not some random parking lot, revealed the injector to be fine but the hose was dead. I pulled the system apart and found two hoses of the wrong flavor. One had failed, and the other was on the way out. With all Alfa projects, you find other things needing repair while you dig around. Several other hoses were the wrong flavor, and another pair was correct but so old they could go at any second. I went to the auto parts store and got the right hose and began fixing things. I had some trouble getting the hose on several fittings and had to go get some more. The second time I went, I had to argue with the little punk behind the counter that there was actually a difference between “fuel” hose and “fuel injection” hose. I even went so far as to explain to him the reason I was here was because someone had sold me the wrong hose previously and it had failed in less than three years. And when I could not find any fuel injection hose clamps, the kid pissed me off even more. They were not in their usual location so he had to look it up in the computer. You know what happens next….. “What is it for???” OMG, WTF!! It is a FUEL….INJECTION…HOSE….CLAMP…. What do you think it is for? At this point I took my hose, paid for it, and stormed out of the building. Sadly, my dependable NAPA was out of FI hose clamps but would have more on Tuesday. Well, Tuesday is not right now so I went into the next town over to find an auto parts store that could satisfy my needs. When I finally found some, I bought a box in every size they had!!!!

With correct clamps and fresh hose in hand, I set about finishing the job. There was one fitting I just could not get the hose to go over. Why is this so hard? I kept tearing the hose over and over again. Sometimes you have to stop and see the forest for the trees. A quick glance told me the answer. The answer was obvious. I had the wrong size hose!!! It was exactly the size I had asked for. It was the same size as was marked on one of the old hoses I removed. Chances are, someone had actually made this tiny hose fit in the past and I had just been stupid enough to try and repeat the mistake. Not this time!! I have not fixed the problem yet, but it always goes faster the second time. I bet those hoses go on a lot easier when they are the correct size!!

My final thought to this whole debacle is redemption. Sometime in the next couple weeks I am planning on making a “lost boys” run to the brewery. I am taking as many from my caravan as I can muster, and if we all break down on the way, so be it!! We will walk if we have to!

Alfaisms

2009-09-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

Just recently I started collecting some Alfaisms. I do not see this becoming a long term hobby, but wanted to share some funny stuff. A couple of these might offend certain groups, but it is ok, I am a volunteer fire fighter…. (If you did not get that joke, go see Talladega Nights)

I would rather be broken down in my Alfa than driving a BMW.

I'd rather be in an Alfa praying to God that we'll make it home, than sitting in a church thinking about my Alfa.

Dang' - that thing's got a HEMI!

I want to die like my grandfather, in his sleep, not like the screaming passengers in his car.

These cars eat replacement parts like Rosie O'Donnell eats chocolate mousse.

A Ferrari owner told me that I should budget at least 10% of the value of my car every year for replacement parts in order to keep the car's value constant or improve it slightly.

You are not a true petrol head until you have owned an Alfa Romeo.

The 1% of the time they are going right makes up for the 99% of the time they are broken.

When they are right they are like a cheap Ferrari...the rest of the time they are like an expensive Fiat!!

Creativity

2009-08-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

So I last night I had some bizarre dreams. I am sure the two and a half rounds of beer from dinner had something to do with it. I was in a marching band. Actually I am not sure what I was doing. There was a marching band. I was not in it. There was a dance crew for the band. It was the sort of thing you see at half time during a college football game, lots of girls in tight spandex numbers running around in a somewhat organized manner. But there was also a real dance team to go with the band. This group was more like what you would see on Broadway. Everyone looked like they belonged in “The Entertainer,” or “West Side Story.” There was lots of practicing during this dream. (Side note, our pregnant waitress at Chilis from the night before gave birth at a nearby hospital in the dream as well.) Of course, I did not practice. I do not play a band instrument, or dance. Really, I have no clue why I was there. But in the end, I was glad I was able to be there to see everything come together. Shortly before the alarm went off, all three groups came together to perform simultaneously. It was amazing. It was all real, no special “dream effects”. What got me about the whole thing was how out of the box it was. The dancing, the music, etc.. were so creative. So, when I finally woke up I had this burning question: Where does it all come from?

I am not talking about dreams. I have no clue where they come from. That would be an entirely different article. What I want to know about is creativity. I am an intern architect. I am supposed to be creative all the time. We spend five years in school doing bizarre and amazing things. But I still do not understand where it all comes from.

In school, my process for design was about logic. Sounds boring, but it can produce some neat stuff. The reason for the logic had to do with how architecture school operates. At the end of each project, you have to present everything out in the hall to guest critics, the professors, fellow students, and anyone who happens to be standing there. If you get up there and tell everyone you think your design “looks cool” you are not going to do so well in the grade department. The critics were looking for reasons and explanations for all your design choices. Sure the plans had to function properly (but not always.) It would also be nice if your design would keep out the rain and stand up against gravity, but not always. In fact, gravity did not happen for us until the second year of school. Adding gravity to our designs sucked!! When you stood up in front of everyone and explained your design, you had to have reasoning for every move you made. You had to be convincing and make a point. Countless times people would present their work and you could see they had just made it all up. Not a good way to design! So, in my work I did nothing without having a plausible explanation. Typically, my reasoning was some irrefutable logic based on science or need or just plain good sense. By the end of my presentations, the critics would have a complete understanding of my building, how it worked, and why it worked. Instead of asking me questions and trying to knock me down, they would just argue amongst themselves about various details and whose theory of whatever was the right one. When you make the judges argue with themselves, rather than with you, you have done something right!

Since this is an article in a car club newsletter, I figure I should eventually talk about cars. No problem! Let’s think about car design. I know how to design a building, but I have never designed a car. What do those guys have to think about when they put pen to paper, or knife to clay? What was Pinninfarina thinking about when he put giant blood troughs on the side of our spiders? What is up with the shoulders on the earlier cars? What is it about Bertone’s GTV that makes it so darn pretty!! Why does the late model SZ/RZ (es30) look so mean?

Being designed by Italians, I doubt any of their ideas were based on logic or reasoning. At least it probably was not any reasoning I would use. But you have to remember, these are Italians! They have more design sense in their little finger than most of us have in our whole bodies. Design is a part of their culture. It is an entire nation of people who really do believe it is better to look good than to actually be good. And you know what the most frustrating part of all this is? It is the fact that I can feel their design, but I cannot explain it. I swoon for my Alfas. I get the tingly butterflies every time I drive an Alfa. And yet, I am almost certain if I ever tried to design a car it would be more like a BMW than an Alfa. My design would be clean, taught, and sterile. Everything would make clear sense. A place for everything, and everything in its place! Alfas are not like that at all!! Nothing makes sense. And yet it is all so perfect! Arggh!

Maybe that is what is so magical about these cars. For me, something is magical only if I can fully explain it, and yet it still remains special. Think about it. Magic is only magic until you know the secrets. As we learn more and more about how stuff works, less and less stuff retains its magic. But if something can stand up to understanding and still keep it’s luster, that is magic!! And Alfas most certainly do!! Everyone has a basic understanding of how an engine works. Most people can grasp the basic physics of how handling works. And we all know how to drive a car! But even then, the Alfa is different! It is almost as if putting an Alfa badge on something is like sprinkling it with pixie dust. You get in, you turn the key, you drive off and attack some curves, and when it is all said and done, you know you have been part of something special.

So where does this creativity come from? What makes these cars so special? Is it just randomness mixed in with some luck and intuition? Are Italians just better at “feeling” what is right about an automobile? I have no clue, but I think I am going to keep driving and working on my Alfas until I figure it out!!

Addiction

2009-08-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Tim, and I am an addict. I guess admitting you have a problem is the first step. I am not really sure what the other steps are, and admitting I have a problem is like stating the obvious. You would have to be dead not to have noticed. Someone should probably have some kind of intervention for me. Some of you reading this are probably addicted as well. Go ahead and admit it. I will let you know the second step in the program when I get there.

A couple weeks ago I was Alfa-less for the first time in years. That is not to say I did not have my Alfas. They were both still sitting in the driveway. The problem was just that. They were both sitting in the driveway. No driving! Sure, in the past one of them would fail. I can remember having to get towed home so I could swap vehicles and head back towards the office in the morning. That is why you have to have at least two. In fact, we keep a third car just in case of the story I am about to tell.

The third car is not an Alfa. It is not European. It is not old. It is not sexy. It is not high performance. It is not even rear wheel drive (no offense 164 owners…) Hell, the only thing our tertiary backup car has in common with an Alfa is four wheels, an engine, some seats, etc. It is a 2006 Scion xB. We call it “Tostapane,” Italian for toaster. The newer models have some minor curves. The early body style is a box. The newer models have more power than a spider. The first generation only has 104hp. It is almost like driving an old diesel. You put your foot down and nothing happens. It makes a lot of noise, but you do not go anywhere fast. Sure maybe it could outrun some old English tractors, but forget about out running anything you would commonly see on the road today.

So how did I end up in the third car? Well, the spider had been off the road for weeks. The exhaust had given up in a bad way. Everything from the cat back is brand new. All the gaskets and hangers are new. No leaks to be found. From the cat forward is another story. On S3 spiders the cat is part of the exhaust from the manifold to the first muffler. It is a pretty hearty piece of steel. But time takes it toll on everything. The seams had given up down most of the length of one side of this pipe. So not only did I have an exhaust leak, it was right in front of the driver. How exciting. Nothing gets you going in the morning like fresh exhaust fumes in a closed car. Truth be told, I have probably been driving the car like this for a while. Once I actually saw how bad the leak was, I realized there was nothing good for my health happening to and from work each day. Not to mention the Eau du exhaust cologne. So naturally I parked it while awaiting parts (read: cash flow) for the repair.

The Milano was the new car of choice. What is not to like? The radio works. The air blows cold. The Recaros are oh so nice. And, the engine is amazing!! Wait, what was the second reason the car was so great? Cold air? That is until the compressor freezes up on the interstate one day! (Interesting how the term “freezing up” refers to when the compressor overheats and blows itself to bits on the inside due to a lack of oil) So now the Milano is parked as well. I know some of you are wagging your head and thinking bad thoughts of me for not driving a car because the air is not working. But how many of you live in south Louisiana? I know for sure all the members in New Orleans are wondering how I can drive the car down here in the summer even with the air working!! In fact, I have some friends who own newer modern cars from various continents, and even their a/c had trouble keeping up with the soaring temps we have seen recently! Anyways, the a/c was dead, and so was the car as far as I am concerned.

And here I sit in the Scion. Remember the last article I wrote? The one about modern cars versus our old Alfas? Well the Scion fits the bill. Except it is like a modern car with training wheels. There is not enough power to get into trouble. The tall seating position and high boxy shape make even the most confident driver lose his nerve long before the car loses grip. Everything electrical works. There are no gauges. I have a speedometer and a tachometer. That is it. Everything else you might want a gauge for is covered by an idiot light. The car does have one fun Alfa-like quirk! The car refuses to shift (automatic transmission of course) into overdrive until the engine is fully warmed up. Weird, but true. Perhaps someone more enlightened than me can explain the reasoning behind that one.

The first few days were ok. Driving a boring car is quite relaxing compared to our caffeinated Alfas. I almost fell asleep at the wheel several times. But by the end of the first week, I was getting antsy. At work I was becoming testier with people. I would say things that seemed perfectly ordinary to me but freaked out my friends and coworkers. (Ok, maybe I do that all the time regardless of what I drive.) Obviously withdrawal was setting in!

I started doubling my coffee intake. At night I would sit in the dormant cars and make vroom vroom noises while shifting a cold gearbox. And when I had the chance I worked feverishly to replace the a/c compressor on the Milano. Nothing helped. I even started offering to drive Brittaney around in her Rabbit!! I felt like a strung out crack head! I would do anything for a fix!

At the end of two weeks, I had the a/c repaired on the Milano. Since I had the system completely open, I made sure everything was correct and to spec this time. No more a/c failures for me!

The first day after falling off the wagon was a little tense. Driving a boring car changes your driving style. I had lost my aggression. No more quick passes. No more screeching corners. But over time it, all started to come back to me. Now after several weeks back on Alfa-crack, I can drive as insane as the worst, irresponsible teenager. But I can do it while toe-heal shifting!! So I have to repeat to you all, “Hi, my name is Tim, and I am an addict.” I guess I will keep going to support group meetings, but I hope they never find a cure.

“Alfa Romeo is not merely a maker of automobiles: it truly is something more than a conventionally built car. It is a kind of affliction, an enthusiasm for a means of transport. It is a way of living, a very special way of perceiving the motor vehicle. What it is resists definition. Its elements are like those irrational character traits of the human spirit which cannot be explained in logical terms. They are sensations, passions, things that have much more to do with man’s heart than with his brain”.

-Orazio Satta

I cannot drive a new car

2009-07-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

I cannot drive a new car. You see, in the past twenty years or so since my Alfas were new the quality and design of modern cars has become so poor that they just do not hold up. Not sure what happened but modern cars are just junk. Sure they have good fit and finish. Sure the air blows really cold. Sure they start right up every morning hot or cold. Sure they do not overheat in traffic. Sure you can go 10,000 miles without changing the oil, or even checking it. But ask yourself… Can you drive it?!?!

A few weeks ago I took my wife’s virtually new 2009 VW Rabbit in for it’s first service. It has a wonderful 2.5L inline 5. The engine has proven reliable since it was introduced a few years ago and has received a decent horsepower upgrade as a result. When this engine came out it made only 155hp. Seems to me like Alfa was doing that with the GTV6 back in the day. Now the engine makes 170hp along with plenty of grunt! I digress. The engine is not the subject of this story. So anyways, I took the car in for an oil change and whatever else they do. It still wigs me out that we drove the thing 10,000 miles before it needed service, but whatever. The Germans know what they are doing.

So while I am there I sit in some cars and poke around a bit. Have you seen the new Passat CC? Wow! I could see myself in one of those! And while I was there I had to try out the latest technical gizmo from Germany. You see I had yet to put the smack down on a DSG gearbox. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Direct-Shift_Gearbox) One of the benefits of coming from a family that almost exclusively buys VWs is that the dealer gets to know you. So I just called over one of the salesmen and asked to drive something with the DSG. A minute or so later they hand me the keys to a brand new GTI and tell me where it is parked. They did not even come with me or bother to show me the car! That is trust! So I got in, made plenty of seat adjustments, and took off! Wow, what a gearbox! It just shifts! Up, down, whatever! It just does it! And the rev matching is so much better than that stupid tiptronic Porsche sold them for the rest of the fleet. So I took it around the usual test drive route. All the dealers in this area use the same loop to show off cars. Perhaps I take the curves faster than most test drivers, but I have been driving this loop for years now. Eventually I get back to the dealer and the Rabbit is still not ready. No bother, I brought a book!

If you love cars and have not read any of the “Last Open Road” series, you are missing out! Ok, enough of all this mess. This is not an advertisement for VW or B.S. Levy books. (If you get a chance you should try them both!) Finally the car was ready. They even washed it, albeit not like I would have done my Alfas.

For the trip home, I drove the car like I drive my own cars- HARD. I popped it over into the crummy autostick (not sure if it is still tiptronic, it certainly seems better than it used to be). I also took the opportunity to disengage the ESP. I do not want the car reading my mind anyways! Boy did I ever drive it hard. Plenty of redline shifts, hard braking, WOT and the like. This car is fun! It is a good twenty to thirty miles back into Zachary from the far side of Baton Rouge, so I really got the chance to get into this car. The car may have even gotten into me a little bit. Big smiles!!

Eventually I got back to the house. And that is when I found out that modern cars are just not built the same as my old Alfas. Both rear brakes were smoking! And I mean hot! When I pulled into the driveway I saw clouds roll by before I got out of the car. Needless to say, I was not pleased. I called the dealer and got some BS excuse about fancy wheel cleaner causing smoking and such. I drove the car some more and the brakes cooled off. At first they were squealing as I went down the road, but it eventually went away. To be honest, I have not driven the car since. The wife was not pleased, but she has had no problems so I guess everything is ok. The rear pads will probably need replacing before the fronts.

Did I mention that I once gave a brand new Toyota rental car a miss over a week of driving? That was a fun time too, but not worth telling here. I am not trying to bash new cars here. I have several modern cars on my shopping list for when I win the lottery. The point is that next time you get into your perfect little Honda or BMW or Hyundai to go to work or the grocery store, ask yourself how hard you would push this car. Would you push it like you push your Alfa? Would you throw it into the corners? Would you hold it in a lower gear just to listen to the engine scream? And most of all, would the car take it? Do you have confidence you could do that everyday and not blow it up? Those are all questions I do not have answers to. But I do know that for my Alfas, the answer to all of those questions is YES! With gusto! So grab yourself a beer and raise a toast to your Alfa and it’s antiquated engineering, long may it run!

(Note- no rabbits were harmed in the making of this newsletter.)

Epilogue/technical note-

After some research online I think I eventually found the problem. Does anyone here know the subtle braking difference between a Verde/Platinum Milano and the rest of the Milanos? Sure you do… ABS. Not only does the Verde have ABS, but the engineers actually took it into consideration when designing the brake system. Since the ABS system would take care of any lock ups, the engineers saw fit to put a bunch of brake bias to the rear. It makes perfect sense! Well, the German engineers agreed! So the Rabbit has a healthy dose of rear brake bias. It also has that stupid ESP. The Germans rigged it up so that even when the ESP is off, it is still on a little. And one of the ways the ESP works is to use the rear brakes to control the car in cornering. So the end result of aggressive driving is some hot hot hot rear brakes. Wow!

More than concourse clean

2009-05-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

Did you know there are places you can clean your car a concourse judge will never see? Sure you did. Some places are obvious, but today I am going to show you some you may have missed. And more importantly, keeping some of these places clean may help keep your car rust and trouble free. Who would have thought you could make your car better just by cleaning it? Of course, doesn’t the old saying go, “A clean car goes faster…”

This first place is good for all the mainstream Alfas. I do not have enough experience to discuss the early cars. And the 164 is foreign to me too. Perhaps at some time or another you have heard someone mention the “secret compartment” in the front wheel wells? Well, the secret is out! On spiders there is a panel in the front and rear of the front wheel wells. Other cars might only have the rear panel. The front panel just conceals all the headlight guts and really does not hide anything. The rear panel is the tricky one. On the passenger side of most spiders is where the charcoal canister is located. If you ever install a Greg Gordon silicone hose kit you will need to get in there. But the more important reason to dig into the rear compartments is to clean out what will probably be a massive collection of dirt, debris, and leaves. Do not ask me how it all gets in there, but once it does, it stays forever. Or at least until you clean all the junk out. So what difference does it make to have an extra few ounces of dirt in some place you will never see? It makes a huge difference!! Dirt and rotting leaves have a best friend called moisture. Need I say more? Moisture sits in the bottom and rots out your body and rockers almost as fast as the leaves you did not even know were there. As far as I can tell, if you clean out these spaces every couple years your car will be in good shape.

Another great place to keep clean is under the dash. I know this seems trivial, but you would be amazed at how dirty your hands can get feeling around under there. We all try to keep the interiors of our cars clean, but somehow dust collects on all the wiring, fuses, and electronic devices stuffed into the dash. I am not really sure how one would go about keeping a location such as this clean, but at the very least you should make a good wiping down part of any under dash repairs or wire hunting you may undertake in the future. You might find the colors on your wiring diagrams match up better when all your wires are shiny and bright!

Ok, so what if I told you there was a place you looked every time you drive your Alfa, but have probably never considered cleaning? And what if I told you this was one of the easiest things to keep clean? I am talking about your rear view mirror. But not just on the outside. Sure we all give the mirror a nice once over when we do the windows and windshields. But have you ever taken the rear view mirror off the car and taken it apart? They are not very hard to remove. The Milano mirror just pulls right off as part of a safety feature. I am pretty sure two screws will leave a spider mirror in your hand. Both mirrors come apart the same way. The plastic surround on the face of the mirror can be carefully removed. The various layers of glass and mirror are just sitting underneath. This is your chance to get all the dust and haze out from the inside! I know I have done this to all the Alfas I have owned. And even then I have to do it again on occasion when dust finds it way inside. Remember, installation is the reversal of removal! Hah!

So what about under your car? We all know about keeping the engine clean. And certainly the undercarriage gets a good spray down when the car is washed. Well other parts down there have not seen the light of day since your car was made! Or at least since your last engine swap or clutch job. A good example is the heat shield over the Catalytic convertor on a Milano. For whatever reason I seem to be taking it on and off all the time. And every time I do, I clean it thoroughly. But before I clean it each time, I take note of how dirty it is, and what sort of mess is making it dirty. Being as the tranny is in the back on the Milano, the most prominent fluid is engine oil. But it could be fuel, or coolant, or brake fluid. Who knows? On a 105/115 car you will find the transmission mount/cross member in the same location. When you take it off you can see it is almost scoop or shovel like in design. The part the engineers screwed up on is the direction. It faces forward! So next time you do a clutch job, or have one done, be sure this little cross member gets cleaned out. The first couple times I did it, I thought the welding was really poor. But as I cleaned harder I realized what I thought was big globs of metal was actually small pebbles embedded in hardened muck! Gross!

Ok, so now you get the idea. There is more to keeping your car clean than simply waxing the beautiful paint. There are all sorts of places you can keep clean that really make a difference in the life of your car. So next time you are cleaning your car, try and find some and make it just that little bit cleaner. A judge may never see it, but you will know it is clean. And you are the one who has to drive the car, not the judge. Clean on!

Get in there and take a look

2009-01-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

When was the last time you looked at your car? No I do not mean walked past it in the garage and smiled. I mean really looked at your car. When was the last time you popped the hood or crawled underneath just to see what was there. If the answer is never, or not often, then you need to reconsider certain aspects of your relationship with your Alfa.

Think about it. Does your Alfa ever leave you on the side of the road? Does your mechanic often recommend “extra” services when you bring the car in for an oil change? Are you always delighted and surprised when your car starts at all? There is a reason for all of this.

I do all my own maintenance and repairs on my Alfas. Several of us in the club pretend we are mechanics. It is a fun and important part of owning an Alfa. I know there are also quite a few members of this club who are checkbook mechanics. I think that is fine too. Especially the ones who bring their cars to me! But there is more to owning an Alfa than working on it. Some people actually drive them too. I must say my commute to and from work is the best part of my day!! What I am about to offer up is important to all Alfisti, drivers and mechanics alike.

A couple days ago I moved my spider out of the garage and into position for a good engine wash down. Every now and again I like to hose the whole thing down to keep the oil build up low. I know she leaks, but this way there is less grit and crud on my hands when I fix things. I was planning on blowing out the heater core in an attempt to have some heat for the winter. Reaching down the front of the motor to disconnect a hose and getting covered in black road sludge did not sound appealing. The first thing I noticed was the exhaust clanging on the body. So I spent the next 45 minutes under the car adjusting things. While under the car I noticed a small drip under the engine. First I had to determine the type of fluid. Then I had to find an origin. Answer: coolant, not from the radiator or the front of engine. Hmm, that seems strange. If not the radiator or the front of the engine, where could this be coming from? I popped open the hood and saw the answer. The two coolant hoses running to the throttle body have just begun to give up and make a mess. Looks like now I would be doing more than just blowing out the heater core. New hoses through the firewall and under the dash became the order of the day. I will not depress everyone with how not fun it is to replace the hoses running to the heater core. The point I want to make is that I looked at my car. I listened to her, I smelled her, I stared at her in inappropriate ways….

Example number two happened on the Milano. I have been slowly fixing things that leak on this car. There is only a single leak left, and I think it is coming from the oil pressure-sending unit. Alfa in their infinite wisdom put this sensor on the back of the block in the V between the banks. While digging around back there I noticed one of the injectors was not seated properly. Under further examination I could see the two bolts holding the injector down had worked loose and were getting ready to fall out. Not good. So, now I abandoned the oil pressure-sending unit and jumped on the injectors. In the end I had to remove the intake plenum. While I was in there I checked all the injectors for taughtness. I then replaced the plenum and went back to the oil pressure-sending unit. Once again, the point is that I observed the car.

Both of those problems could have become catastrophic failures. How much fun would it have been when the heater hoses let go on the way to work? Or what if the leak was slow and the engine ran dry and cooked itself? And what of the Milano? An improperly seated injector creates a massive air leak. This causes a lean condition for that cylinder. Next step is one really hot cylinder combined with 5 rich running cylinders as the engine tries to compensate for the lean one. I am pretty sure a burned valve would be in order too. How exciting.

Now, I just happened to already be working on my cars when I noticed these problems. If you work on your cars, good observation is easy. If you are a checkbook mechanic things might be more difficult. But either way, you need to schedule some time to just look at your car. You do not have to be a genius to notice a threaded hole with nothing in it and something hanging loose nearby. Or even just something rattling while the engine is running. Take some time to get to know your car. Then maybe next time it will not be your mechanic calling with extra stuff to do to the car. It will be you calling the mechanic with your list of things needing attention. Not to mention the joy of finding problems in your garage rather than the side of the road.

I do not work on my cars every day. I drive them every day. So in between repair sessions I have made a habit of popping the hood. I call it “checking to make sure the engine is still there.” I just take a look. Perhaps there is something new that was not there yesterday. A leak perhaps, or some debris from something falling apart, who knows, could be anything. And that is the point!! When you are about to get into your car for a drive, just duck your head underneath and see what is there or not there. This not only helps you see what is up with your car but it helps you get familiar with it so you can notice when something changes.

Points and Plugs

2009-01-01T08:39:00.000-08:00

Ok, so what are points? None of my cars have any so I have no clue. This sounds like a job for Wikipedia!!!!........ Ok, back now from Internet land. Wow, that was very educational. I still do not fully understand how points work. But I did learn they act like a switch for the ignition system. And the point gap is crucial for setting the proper “dwell” time. I also found out the points can both oxidize and wear over time with use. Since my Bosch l-jet cars have an entire computer dedicated to doing the job of these little points, they must be pretty important.

Points are beginning to sound like those magical aspects of engine tuning you used to need a guru for. I can just imagine a group of guys out at Bonneville with tanned leather skin and weathered faces huddling over an engine in some streamlined hot rod. They would casually smoke cigarettes and argue the merits of various spark gaps, point gaps, and distributor settings. There is probably an oscilloscope sitting on a table nearby and an adjustable timing light in someone’s hand. One of the guys has a feeler gauge set hanging out of his pocket. And far off in the distance you can hear some fire breathing dragon of a car making a high speed run. Ahhh…

I am not one of those guys, but I bet we have a couple in the club. With some luck at least one will show up for the meeting and show us all how it is done. But I do know how to gap a plug back to factory spec and how to replace a cap and rotor. I can even replace a set of plug wires. I have done all those things many times. I know many of our club members do not work on their cars. If you are more of a driver than a mechanic, this could be your chance to dig into the engine compartment with out getting into trouble.

Besides plugs and points, we have some cars in the club with much more modern ignition systems. For instance, all Bosch L-jet cars use computers to control the engine. There is still a distributor and a single coil, but the timing is controlled using engine vacuum, a Hall effect sensor, or flywheel position sensors depending on the car. The early GTV6 used a dummy box for the ignition control. I have no clue what that means, but I know the later cars had a more complex computer. And once you move into Motronic, things get even more complicated and simple at the same time. These cars only have one computer for all the engines functions, and most of the hoses and extra junk associated with L-Jet is gone, but the control is more complex. These cars use crank position sensors and idle air control motors and the like. Finally I know of at least one car in the club that left the factory with coil packs! Lets hear it for the 164LS. With the exception of the 164Q it has to be the most advanced and most powerful Alfa you could get at a dealer back in the day. These cars get rid of the distributor all together and give each cylinder it’s own coil. The computer tells each one when to fire and things are very precise and controlled. Not to mention very powerful!

Welcome to the new age!!!

2008-12-31T15:34:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the new age. Alfa is here. They are on the road. You can go to a dealer and get one. You can even get it serviced. Well, sort of. If you are one of the lucky few who bought an 8c, then Alfa is alive and well. For the rest of us, life goes on as before. Besides, even if they came back full force, do you really think they are going to have gas caps for Milanos or shift boots for Duettos? Of course not. Another year goes by, and we strive to keeps these old cars on the road on our own. To accomplish these goals, we have organizations like this one and we have people like me. For whatever reason, you guys chose to elect me your new president. Not sure why. Really a poor choice. Ok, not really. Besides Andy, I am hoping to be the best possible choice for the next year and beyond. So on that note, you should probably know a little bit about who I am and why I have “the sickness.”
It started out on a dark and stormy night. Well, it was probably a sunny Florida day. No matter, I have grown up with Alfas all my life. My parents have had a ’71 spider since roughly the time of my birth. I think there was a silver ‘72/3 in there too. I seem to remember stories about tops that did not leak and head gaskets that did. I do know they had to sell at least one two-seater to accommodate having me around. I guess I owe them on that one. There was also a Giulia (Giulietta??) spider that never ran. Who else do you know who can say their first brake job was on a three shoe Alfa setup?
In my early years, the ’71 still ran. It ran poorly, but it ran. Dad would bring me to day care in the spider. Of course, then he had to clean or change the plugs in the parking lot before he could leave. That was back in the 80s. Spica was still a mystery to all but Wes Ingram. Special tools were impossible to get. And all a good mechanic could do was make things worse. Why do we call them the good ole days again?
In ‘89 we moved to Baton Rouge. The spider was somewhere in south Florida getting some well deserved attention from someone who charged too much to do too little. This is where things started to go down hill. At some point, in time, we picked up the spider. I remember a very wet ride. I had towel duty. Once the spider was parked in Baton Rouge, it ran less and less. Eventually, the car had been sitting for almost ten years.
As all kids do, I started to grow up. Driving age. No I did not get a car. But I did get a license. When I started driving more and more, I ended up in a hand me down Jeep Cherokee. This was not some junker fifth generation pos Jeep. My parents were the original owners. They were meticulous in its maintenance and cleanliness. As its new caretaker, I did the same. This was the cleanest, most mechanically perfect ’95 Cherokee on the planet. I used to wash and wax it every weekend. If it made a squeak or rattle it was off to the dealer for repairs. (I also used to build up some heavy debt with Dad paying for said repairs) These were the days before I knew an oil cap from a radiator. I put a lot of mechanics’ kids through college.
As we all know, a Jeep is not an Alfa. So deep inside me a fire was burning. I missed the sounds. I missed the smells. All I had was memories. I used to watch old Alfa videos and crank up the volume just to hear what a spider sounded like. I had never seen any other Alfas except in pictures, but I had a job and that means I had a small amount of disposable income. I started looking around for Alfas. I got in touch with a guy in Florida about a spider. It was a ’71. It was rust free and ran like a champ. The top was good too. Wow, what a deal. He only wanted $1500 for it. I started saving up. Then Christmas happened. Best Christmas ever, I swear!! Mom and Dad got me the car!!! All we had to do was go and get it.
So Britt and I hitched a trailer to the Jeep and went on a road trip. You will never find a kid as young and naïve and excited as I was. When we got to St. Petersburg, Fl we went looking for the car. We found the address and made a couple passes that night. The car was there. Even while writing this I get excited. The next day we met the owner and saw the car up close. In my eyes this car was perfect. In reality, it was garbage. The owner had lied about everything. The car was shot. It did not run. Top was intact but dry rotted. The interior was awful. The body was rusted in places these cars do not rust. I should have just packed up and left right there. Instead, I brought the car home. I tried to get it running, but I did not know enough. The car sat at my parents for a few years until I eventually sold it for parts to an Alfa shop.
In the mean time I bought an ’87 Milano Platinum. This became my daily driver and the Jeep got to take a break. In reality, the Plat spent most of its time up on jack stands. In the two years I had her I spent over $5k on parts. I only paid $610 for the car to begin with!!! Her name was Giuliana. I loved that car!! She was a true Italian lover. All she ever did was give me a hard time and the more she did, the more I loved her. Sigh. At the end of our two years together she was totaled in a front and rear collision on a rainy day. She gave her life to save mine. Everyone who saw the car figured I must have been really hurt. To be honest, I have tripped and fallen harder than the collision felt.
While all this was going on, the club started up again. Andy found me a spider in the woods in MS. Having learned nothing from my first two Alfas I bought the car…. From a dead guy….with no keys. It has been the best so far. I drive it every day. Her name is Abriana.
I also started working on Alfas for a living around that time. I worked at Garcia Alfa Racing for a year. I never got rich, but I broke even. How many people do you know who are so passionate about Alfas they will drive five hours a couple times a week to work part time at an Alfa only shop. While I was there, I learned a lot. I am no expert by any means, but I can solve most problems and am not afraid to tear into an Alfa. Mostly, I saw l-jet cars. Those were good times. Andrew Garcia also introduced me to racing. I had been auto-crossing for a while, but never seen a race. We worked as crew for a spec rx-7 one weekend and I was hooked. I have not been able to capitalize on this passion yet, but one day!!!
When Giuliana was totaled, I was given enough money by the insurance company to replace her. I bought a Verde from a customer in Houston. She has been a great car. Her name is Maura. It means dark skin in Italian.
When Britt graduated with her Masters degree in Architecture, we moved to Charlotte, NC, where I was starting a degree in Motorsports Engineering at UNCC. We were there for seven months. The school was a joke, but the local club was awesome. I made a ton of friends and got to see some neat cars. One member drove his Junior Z to all the meetings. (Eat your heart out Andy!!)
So now we have been back almost two years. The club was still here when we returned. Some of the faces have changed, but the passion is still there. Now I work as an Intern Architect at a prominent firm here in Baton Rouge. Having a nice job allows me to sink more parts and money into the cars. One day, they will be really nice. Eventually I would like to find a way to make a living in motorsports or street cars. Perhaps this stint as president is taking me one step closer to my dreams. It certainly will be fun!!

You may now call me “Il Commendatore”.

More HP than a set of stickers and some neon!!!

2008-10-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

You ever read those car mags about building racecars and tuning engines and stuff like that? You know, the ones full of small block chevys and other 'merican junk. Seems like they always have an article about getting the most power out of your engine. First thing they always tell you is to check the basic stuff. You know, ignition timing, plugs, wires, fresh gas, etc. And as an Alfa owner you think to yourself.... "duh, I know that stuff inside and out. Hell, sometimes I pull my plugs just to look at them!! And I replace my consumables three times a year even though I only drive the car 100 miles during that time."

Ok, so maybe I am not that bad. But some of you are and you know it! My cars are daily drivers. And as such they really get worse maintenance than most garage queens. They get dirty. They sit in the sun and the rain. They get lots of oil changes. They burn out light bulbs from use, not time.

Getting to the point... I was caught out last night because of one of those "basic" items. I was working on a turn signal problem when I started fooling around with my throttle. I know, I know, the two are totally unrelated. I was under the dash poking around with the wires and started playing with the pedals by hand. After working my way from left to right across the pedals I noticed the gas pedal gave little resistance until a good ways down. Hmm. So I went to the throttle body and gave it a tug. Seems fine to me. Then I got the idea of actuating the throttle from the arm on the fire wall. So I reached over the motor to the convenient little arm on the fire wall. I pulled back on the arm until I felt and heard the gas pedal bottom out. Wait a sec!! The throttle did not open all the way!!! I did some back and forth and realized the little ball joint heads were super loose!! All of them! The total slop accounted for maybe half the travel of the pedal!! I was not even coming off idle until half way to the floor!! WTF!!!

It was time to come in for the night. So I sat down at the computer and started searching on the BB. I now have all the correct procedures for adjusting the throttle rods to perfection. Tonight I am going to make the proper adjustments and take her for a spin. I figure this should really free up some power!! Should be more power than a big wing, spinners, red hoses, neon, and stickers put together!!

Things that make you go hummmm.....

2008-08-29T05:40:00.001-07:00

When working on these cars you always seem to find things that confound the imagination. Sometimes it is something a previous owner did as a cheap fix. Other times it is a factory decision that makes you curse the engineers who designed it. And other times it is just facts of life type stuff.

Last night I had two out of the three. First I have my fact of life moment. I get all ready to work on the car, snap on some gloves, grab my drop light, and.... wait, why is the drop light not working? Let's see, it's plugged in. It worked last time. I have not dropped it recently. Hmm. Must be a bad bulb. Zoom, zoom in the spider to the store, come back with a new bulb. New bulb does not work. Well, this new bulb has a weird rattle to it. Go back to store, exchange bulb for model with less rattle. Still no dice. $#@$, must be something else. So not I figure the ballast in the light must be bad. I can probably get something like that from radio shack right? Let's take this light apart. Oh, wow, why use a regular off the shelf ballast when you could use and entire circuit board with microprocessors and stuff. Gotta love those engineers at Sears!! Oh wait, I guess I had three out of three after all! Anyways, I put it all back together and went back to the method all mechanics have used at some point in time.... I beat it on the work bench! And darn if that did not work... sort of. Not to mention that once the light came on it was all yellow instead of white. Grrr!! But at least I can work now. Until I accidentally turned it off an hour later...

So finally I resorted to taking the surface of the sun halogens off their stand and setting them under the car where I would be working. Whew, those things are bright!! Either way, that leads us to me being confounded by the previous owners. Or at least their mechanics...

I was rebuilding the front section of the shift linkage on the Milano. Once I got into it, I found piles and piles of bearing grease. The stupid part of it is that there is nothign in there requireing so much bloody grease! I ended up taking it all apart, wiping up the grease, regreasing, and putting it back together. If you have ever done this job, you know it is slightly more complicated than that, but you get my point. Either way, I used alot less grease. I also fabbed up a shim from some sheet rubber to take the slop out of the ball joint in the shifter. And with new o-rings in the lower joint it is as good as new. Now I just need the $160 kit from performatek to rebuild the rear part!

The end result is, now I have a shifter that works and a drop light that doesn't. Hey, you cannot win them all!!

There is something in the air....

2008-08-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why we do all this. I mean, do we really need Italian sports cars? Do I really need a convertible? Why don't we all drive Honda Civics? Hell, Andy drives an Accord, and he owns more Alfas than I do! So why do we put up with all this crap?

I will tell you why! It is for those brief moments when everything is just right. I had one of those today. This was nothing special. It was just one of those times when you understand why we do all this. One of those things that puts a smile on your face the rest of the day. No I did not pass a Ferrari going 110mph on the interstate. No I did not get out of a ticket because of my charm and good looks. And no, I did not figure out a unified theory of everything in physics either. This was so simple. So elegant. So basic and humble.

I know you must be chomping at the bit...

Well, lets set the scene first. It has been raining here every day for a week now. If it is not raining, it certainly looks like it will. After being drenched in the monsoon on the way home from the last Alfa meeting, I have been ready for some top down driving. No dice. Well, finally this morning, there was no rain. And on top of that it was cool enough outside you did not get soaking wet from sweat after ten seconds. So this morning on the way to work, I let my Italian mistress do my hair. And she does a great job too. Anyways, here is the special bit. I am lucky enough to work in down town Baton Rouge. Apart from small skyscrapers and old office buildings there is also a small factory. No not an industrial factory. This is a bakery. And do you know what happens when you drive a convertible down the road and the wind is just right a couple miles from a bakery? Yeah, thats right, the smell of fresh baked bread fills the air. Ahhh... It makes me smile and sigh just thinking about it. There just really cannot be too many things better than cruising down the interstate, engine singing, wind in your hair, sun shining, and fresh baked bread wafting around you.

So thats it. Thats my story. Whether you liked it or not, it made me really happy. If you happened to be on that stretch of road this morning, in your Camry with your a/c blasting on recycled stale air, you would have seen me. I was the kid with that funny goofy Alfa grin we all seem to get from time to time.

4th of July

2008-07-04T15:36:00.001-07:00

I had the day off today like most of America. So this morning I started bright and early. I put the finishing touches on the vac sensor for the spider. Once I got it all buttoned up I took her for a spin. There is no real noticeable difference, but I am sure the next week will see a fuel economy increase. Hurray! I also used a digital timing light to verify the sensor was actually working. I am getting way too much advance at idle, but mid range and max advance are both within spec on the high side. But hey, more advance sounds good to me!!

Then I tackled the milano ABS. I had some old sensors from my last milano. I started to test them and see what the troubles were. After lots of careful soldering and miles of electrical tape I got all the sensor wires back to spec. I carefully installed them all and connected them up. I set all the air gaps and tested the wires again. Perfect. So I fired up the car and waited. After the booster pump finished building pressure the abs light went out for the first time since I have owned the car. So what is next? ABS testing!! I went to a nearby gravel parking lot and made some quick stops. It was so cool!! The relays all started clicking and I could feel the pedal pulsate just like everyone says it should. This should be great on the autox!!

Well, thats enough Alfa stuff for now. Amy and Jeremy from the rally are going to pick me up and we are gonna celebrate the fourth the best way possible!! With BEER!!

Working on a Miata

2008-06-29T18:08:00.000-07:00

Today I had the fun opportunity to drive and work on an "NA" Miata. It belongs to a friend of ours and has been causing some troubles. The problem was described to me as "the car dies sometimes when I am stopped". Really helpful there. The owner of the car had access to another vehicle so chose to ignore the problem rather than fix it. Now the other vehicle is returning to its rightful owner (her mother) and the Miata has to work.

So the wife and I loaded some basic tools into the spider and hit the road. First thing I did was drive the car. The owner chose not to join me so I took the chance to really feel out the car. Besides I have ridden with her. She shifts this thing like an automatic. I doubt it had ever seen more than 3000 rpm before I got in. The car drove well. The problem became apparent after a couple miles. For whatever reason, when the car returns to idle, it takes a moment to regain engine speed. That is to say it drops below idle and comes back up. Hmm. Well this car being too old to have obd2, and not having a check engine light flashing for me for the obd1, I had to just sit and think about the problem.

The internet is a great automotive tool these days. I found a nice Miata forum and started digging around. In reality this is the same process I use on my Alfas. Quickly I found other people with the same problems and they confirmed my suspicions. The ISC valve was out of whack. If this was an Alfa, I would know what to do. Instead I read a lengthy and informative paper about how these things work on the miata and how to diagnose and repair them. In the end the procedure is the same as an Alfa. Step one.... remove hose. Step two... spray carb cleaner into valve. Step three.... reconnect hose. That was it. Sure, it was a little more complicated than that. In fact, trying to hold a hose up, manually work the throttle on a running engine, and spray carb cleaner into the system all at the same time required more hands than I was born with, so I had my lovely assistant spray the cleaner.

After a couple long squirts the car is idling perfectly. Mazda even saw fit to put a neat little dashpot on the throttle to act as a damper right before the butterfly slams shut. Not sure why this is required, but it sure does smooth things out when the revs are coming down. I am really glad this project was so easy to finish. These days I wonder why I even entertain peoples thoughts about me fixing their modern cars. If it is not an Alfa, I really have no clue. But when you can walk into a situation blind, and save the day for a friend, it sure does feel good.

Ok, and now for the part you have all been waiting for.... how did it compare to my spider....

Well, first lets give some context. My spider is a ragged out '85 on its second engine, burning lots of oil, squeaking, and clunking down the road. That said, it is my daily driver and has been very faithful. Not to mention the a/c can get down to 35 degrees at the vents!!!! Pick your jaw up off the floor and keep reading!

The Miata is a '91 (I think) with the 1.6L engine. This car needs a loving home. The current owner is your typical driver. (note I did not say lady driver... I know you were thinking it Bonnie!!) She does what she has to to keep the car running, but never really gives it that extra treatment to keep it perfect and nice. The top is torn. There is a huge dent where a tree fell on the car. There is the smell of a fuel leak in the engine compartment. The air needs to be recharged. The center console is messed up from vandals, who still managed to leave the radio. The car smells funny and tends to be sticky on the interior. The trunk has things in it that clunk and move when cornering hard. I could keep going, but you get the point.

So how do they compare? Well in side by side testing, my seatofthepants-o-meter gives the award to the spider. Everything is better about the spider. The engine sounds, the interior, the handling, the shifter. I know the Alfa tranny is special and not everyone likes it. But I have to say, I have yet to find a modern car that shifts with such a nice feel. And to top it off, I have no use for a short throw shifter. I am not in a drag race. I want to have some motion associated with my shifts. I want to feel the bits moving inside. But I do not want to have to really work to get things where I want them. The miata shifter was not vague like most modern cars, but it was too extreme in the opposite way. Too tight. I really had to muscle each throw. Ugh. And then there is the handling. Wow. I prefer the spider not because it is faster. It isn't. I think the miata maybe needs a rebuild somewhere between the tires and the chassis. It has tons of grip. It just held and held and held. Amazing. But what I did not like was this weird way it would change direction unexpectedly in the middle of the corner. I would turn the wheel and start the turn. Then once the car took its set my direction would change. It would turn more into the corner than what I had requested. It is almost like something is loose and causing rear wheel steer once the weight is all transfered. It was very disconcerting. The really cool part was how the car still held. Tons of grip. It is amazing how I can throw it into a corner, and then it decides to take a tighter line and still holds. Wow. But scary. My ragged out spider has all original suspension. I think the ball joints are going. I had to replace the rear sway bar end link bushings because the originals actually fell apart. That is how rough my suspension is. But still, I have tons of grip, and she stays pointed where I tell her to go. I guess I should try driving a miata in better shape and make another evaluation.

My final thought about this is simple. My spider is 6 years older than the miata and has probably led a harder life. But in the end, she has stood the test of time and will continue to be a special classic on par with todays great cars. Remember... kiss french, but drive Italian!!

P.S.- should the owner of the Miata ever read this... I mean no harm. Your car is very nice. To quote ferris bueller... I don't even have a piece of shit... I have to envy yours! This has less to do with the quality of your car and more to do with making me feel good about mine. And if I am lucky, you will still call me next time it breaks.

Roof Drains

2008-06-28T17:01:00.000-07:00

This Alfa world of ours has lots of special moments. Like when you have to kick the fuse box while driving down the road to get the a/c to stay running.

Well today I had one of those moments. I found out my top drains are working properly. How? It was raining. Not just a little rain. Monsoon rain. Trees leaning sideways rain. Wish I was in the Milano rain. Wish I did not have to drive at all rain. But Abrianna just loves the rain, so no big deal. Anyways, my little green monster was urinating a nice clean stream on both sides. There was enough rain draining from the top to clearly identify where the drain water emerges from the bottom of the car. I already knew the top drains were clear from when I replaced the top. I blew them out with compressed air, and dumped water down the holes. Today, I was standing a good 15 feet away from the car and could see the water streaming from underneath.

I am serious here. I am not saying there was a drip coming from a certain location. The whole car was dripping, it was raining!! This was a stream of water. A continuous stream. Like pouring water from a pitcher.

The point is.... it was really cool!! Just another one of those special smiling ear to ear moments we Alfisti are so famous for.